My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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