It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I could make wine with my vomit
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
