we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
