I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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