feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
