hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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