Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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