I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize