I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
