I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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