just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
