I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
