I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
