i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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