Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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