i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
