I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
