I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
