there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
