I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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