Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize