If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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