You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i've created a new STD.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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