If i come over, it means nothing
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
