I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Its about making memories worth repressing
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
