I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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