Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
