Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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