I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
