What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
