Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
