Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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