were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
