is your mom at the bar?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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