It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
