i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
