Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
