their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
