I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
