If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
