I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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