I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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