just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
