drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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