The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
