Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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