So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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