last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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