apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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