It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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