Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
