ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She's the barista slut.
You're like the curious george of whores
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
