So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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