I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
