While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
