How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
