I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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