i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
