I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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