So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
