I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
