I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
