i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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