I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
