Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
